[Music], Trains, and Automobiles

Music to me is so special and important.  Whoever says that music doesn't affect them is either downright crazy or is lying.  This is my opinion on the matter...I have been on both sides of the spectrum.  I have listened to music (and maybe sometimes still do...SOMETIMES) that we have been advised not to listen to.  What can I say?  I love hip hop and rap!  I love to dance and it definitely gets me moving, you know?  Anyway, I have noticed that at times when I listen to music that is has less than appropriate lyrics (edited, of course), I become more rebellious in a way (me, rebellious?  I know...you have no idea!).  Okay, so maybe I'm not going to rob a bank or anything, but I have noticed that I become more aggressive, more defensive, and downright crabby.  And I KNOW it is because of my music.  On the other side, when I listen to more calming and happier music (i.e. Josh Groban, Colbie Callait, Coldplay, etc.) I AM happier.  This is especially evident when I am driving.  I know this might be hard for you to picture (or easy, if you've ever been in the car with me) but when I am listening to rap, rock, or anything a little more hardcore, I am like the most aggressive driver ever!  I am yelling at cars to move out of my way, I tailgate, and I feel like I'm always in a hurry to get somewhere.  But when I listen to the good stuff, I am calm and I am a more curteous driver.  Maybe it is just me who is making all of this up in my head, but I really don't think so.  It's just something I've noticed in my short earthly existence.

So, when I'm listening to music I generally listen to the lyrics as well.  There are so many songs that have really struck a chord with me that I will probably share in this blog.  I feel that music is a great form of expression and I wish I had the talent to create it.  Though I do not, I have the talent to listen and appreciate great music.  Here is one such song.  It is called "Stop This Train" by one of my favorite musicians of all time, John Mayer.  His lyrics are so deeply personal and meaningful that I just really love his music.  Here are the lyrics:

No, I'm not colorblind

I know the world is black and white

I try to keep an open mind

But I just can't sleep on this tonight

Stop the train

I want to get off and go home again

I can't take the speed it's moving in

I know I can't

But honestly, won't someone stop this train?

Don't know how else to say it

I don't want to see my parents go

One generation's length away

From fighting life out on my own

Stop this train

I want to get off and go home again

I can't take the speed it's moving in

I know I can't

But honestly, won't someone stop this train?

So scared of getting older

I'm only good at being young

So I play the numbers game 

To find a way to say that life has just begun

Had a talk with my old man

Said "help me understand"

He said "turn sixty-eight"

"You'll renegotiate"

"Don't stop this train

Don't for a minute change the place you're in

And don't think I couldn't ever understand

I tried my hand

John, honestly we'll never stop this train"

Once in a while, when it's good

It'll feel like it should

And they're all still around

And you're still safe and sound

And you don't miss a thing

Till you cry when your driving away in the dark

Singing

Stop this train

I want to get off and go home again

I can't take the speed it's moving in

I know I can't

Cause now I see I'll never stop this train

Great, huh?  I love this song because I first heard it during my senior year at BYU.  It was a time when I was far away from home, almost done with college, and I didn't know what was going to happen after.  I didn't really take the time to think about after college.  I was just trying to get through it!  And then this time in my life came and I was so confused.  This song just spoke to me in a way that I will never forget, and it's really hard for me to describe, but I'll try.

We all have those moments where we realize that life is going by so fast that we just want it to slow down, or stop where it's at and go back to a time when things were far more simple.  We realize that our parents aren't going to be around forever and we are not kids anymore.  We are the adults.  The future of the world is in OUR hands.  It is a very scary thought, indeed.  But you know what?  We can't stop it.  Time never stands still.  There will also come a time when we will look back and realize that the time we have left on this earth is coming to a close.  We will be faced with looking back on our lives and see what we have done with our time.  We need to live each day so that we have no regrets.  Of course there will be ups and downs and loop-dee-loops along the course, but it will be worth it.  It IS worth it.  We just have to enjoy the ride.  :)

When Did This Happen?

So, maybe this is too personal a thing to blog about, but I'm going to do it anyway.  It's a subject that has been on my mind in light of recent events.  Let me start out by saying that I KNOW I AM NOT OLD!  The young age of almost 24 probably does not warrant this complaining session, but considering my surroundings, I'm going to do it anyway.

My sister is engaged.  One of my best friends got married a week ago.  I went to a little get together hosted by another one of my best friends and her husband (which had great food, by the way...).  There were three married couples in attendance, some with children, and...me.  One of my great friends called me up yesterday to tell me that she is engaged and she would love for me to be a bridesmaid (this will make it the 5th time I have had the honor of doing so).  I have another great friend who has been dating someone for awhile and I feel it's only a matter of time before there is a stone upon her left ring finger.  Because that is what Mormons do.  They get hitched.  

So I look around and think of who I have left on my team.  There are a lot of people I know who are single, but as far as my close friends go (who are in close proximity to me at the moment) I am "the cheese" (get it?  I stand alone...hehe).  This reminds me of some painful experiences I had in my childhood that I have spent years repressing.  You remember P.E. when team captains were chosen and then they took turns choosing the rest of the class, right?  Yeah...I was the clumsy, chubby little girl who was always chosen pretty darn near to last.  And that was only due to the ever present integration program where they put special ed. students in with the "normal" kids.  Don't be embarrassed for me.  I've dealt with my demons and I am very happy with the person I am today.  However, his whole situation makes me feel like I'm in the sixth grade again.  Geh!

Now, I have graduated from BYU, the Mormon match-making capital of the world.  I have seen roommates and LOTS of people from my ward get married.  It was not uncommon and it didn't really bother me all that much.  At all.  I would just start humming "Another One Bites the Dust" and get on with my life.  So why is it bothering me so much now?  It really is different when it happens to your sisters and your best friends. 

I'm going to wrap this up because I'm starting to feel like I'm coming across as bitter, which I am totally not.  I just find it amazing that four months ago, this was not even an issue.  Now the "M" word (a.k.a. marriage) comes up an awful lot.  Not that it didn't before, but I'm probably noticing it a lot more.  Even my six year old nephew asked me tonight at dinner, "Auntie Katie...who are you going to marry?"  Now isn't that the million dollar question?  

Why I Need a Job...

So, I've been unemployed for a good five months now.  I thought for sure I would have a job by now seeing as that is the reason I went to college...to get an education, of course, but also be a little bit more marketable than the average Joe, or Jane as the case may be.  Well, I did my time and what do I have to show for it?  A little piece of paper that says I did.  That's it.  Okay, and maybe also the satisfaction of knowing that I worked hard for it...yadda, yadda, yadda.  And I did work hard!  But now what am I doing?  Not working.  You see where I'm going with this?  Yeah...me neither.

Anyway, I have a little problem.  I'm not a shopaholic, but my father would probably disagree with that.  I just really like to shop.  I don't want to sound like I'm this crazed maniac who breaks into cold sweats when she hasn't gone shopping for at least eight hours...because I'm not.  I simply just like to go into a store of my choosing, walk around and pick up things that I'm interested in purchasing, and then...well, purchase them.  However, this becomes a problem when I don't have money because I don't have a job!  I know things could be a lot worse and I should be grateful.  And I am...really!  

I just miss shopping without the guilt that is killing me slowly from the inside out.  I should be spending my money wisely, but somehow that all gets forgotten when I have a cute shirt in my hands...that gets rung up and placed in my hands in a crisp shopping bag.  And then buyers remorse usually follows quickly thereafter. 

On a positive note, I have noticed that I'm learning to put away what I don't absolutley need, leading my purchases to become smaller. And I have also learned to bargain hunt.  I am skilled at finding killer deals, which by definition are really just killing my bank account.  But the way I see it, this is all just a necessary life experience to teach me that it's not the things in life that are important.  I don't need every article of clothing that I find (even thought they looked really good on me and I will never, ever find those pair of jeans again!) and the life lessons of practicality are far more valuable.  So maybe this whole not having a job is good for me, dang it.  Too bad I can't just buy one.  I'm really good at that.  :)

We'll See How This Goes...

So, there are a few reasons why I've decided to start this blog:

1) I am unemployed and therefore have nothing better to do with my time,

2) Believe it or not, there are some pretty interesting things that go through my head on a somewhat daily basis that I could be sharing,

3) We have been advised to keep a journal and I am not successful at this at all.  So, even though this will not be as private as a journal (sorry, you aren't going to be privy to the information regarding my current crush and my deepest, darkest secrets...) I figure this is a good way to record all of the "fun" stuff going on in my life, as well as share it with others who might care, and

4) I found a really cute background for it and so I figured, why not?

Here goes nothing!